Just quit it - really.

8 min read

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Sahtori-Kamaya's avatar
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I don't know whom and I don't want to know 'who' 

I'm kind of tired of people STILL talking behind my back about my condition. I think I haven't mentioned much anymore about it in my previous journals - why, because of what happened months ago, yes, there was a donation drive - everyone got paid back.

Think about it, If I were a FRAUD, I would not have acted that way. I would have for example 'VANISHED' like others have done on dA, FA etc...
I'm on the net since 2001 on dA, my problems came many years after I was on dA and Sheezyart. I can look up on SheezyArt my old journals how much I complained about my mother and brother. That's it... No asking money... Nothing...

Then I vanished for a while on the net, not only because on the net was bad - but RL was going worse, I left my mother, I got abused by Katty and Steve where I was looking for comfort after YEARS of abusement, 
I had to RAN off to the USA - where I showed papers to both my father and step-mother about my condition.

My step-mum is a doctor. Ok, she asked a lot of questions, saw my medications that I have to take daily - weekly.
she knows, she looked up the medications I take.

Ever this fiasco started, my note-box here and on fA, exploded and frankly I've had enough of the questions if I'm a 'fraud' or 'real'

If people keep being like this behind my back - I must be a very interesting person, isn't it?

How my health NOW is doing, is no one's business unless you have FACEBOOK and you are on my SPECIAL list. Not only got I betrayed by my EX-BEST FRIEND with altering accounts so that person could not be identified but the thing is IP-TRACING proved WHERE that person was from and I knew that moment who this person was and it broke my heart...

I'd really would like to ask to 'stop' it.
I'm tired of those questions: 'Are you dead? It's been two years!? Something isn't right.'

Ah, so I see, I had help from friends and people kind enough to me to go through procedures, I was in LILLE - I had therapy.
For now the tumor, I'll repeat it again - seems stabilized. I'm going to write: 'SEEMS' I had treatment which has EXTENDED my life - TREATMENT - READ GOOD - TREATMENT
Going to the USA did me very good, I was in Fort Myers with my family, Dad, Step-Mum, Aunt, Uncle and a cousin.
All supported me and gave me a lot of love. 
When back in Belgium for scans, they noticed the tumor had shrunk a bit - and it stayed that way for months. Is this enough INFORMATION?

I'm not telling anymore in public, wtf is going on with me. I'm not asking DONATIONS, I'm not ASKING for PITY, I'm not asking for anything - Just if you want to be a bully on the internet, do it somewhere else, if you are a bully on the net, it means you must have a pathetic, sad life in RL and I feel sorry for people like that.

They must suffer in RL to VENT it out on someone else on the NET.
So, I feel sorry for those people. 

But I'd like to stay from after what I now typed, LEFT alone about this subject. If you feel like you have doubts, talk to me in person and don't go bashing behind my back to people who still believe and support me in their own way - with words.

I know the question: 'How do you afford it, then?' is coming up. 

Simple, find my other account, that's doing a lot of adult art. Try to find it... Really... I'm sure you wont.

I have CFS - Chronicle Fatigue Syndrome and it will get worse - I've been told by my doctor - there's nothing we can do about it - My house-doctor told me in 2004 I had symptoms of it and now in 2013 it's finally confirmed. 
You want to know, why I get sick? Because I'm learned by my grandmother not to show my emotions, my tears were fake, my laugh was fake and you know something...
I live with a MASK before my face. I'm kind to everyone even if I dislike you in any way, I'll still be kind because I want to treat people like how I Want to be treated. But I'm afraid not everyone thinks like me... I must be a complete dumbass.
Every time, someone harms me, I don't show emotions about it, I just get sick and sleep - sleep to get away from this world... 

This is how I deal with $h!t ever since I was a kid, ... 
I'm sure a few are going: 'Oh she's trying to get pity out of us.'
Yeah, go ahead, think like that about me. I don't give a fudge anymore... 

I'm in a phase that I'm to tired - in grieving - troubles - I feel like giving up...

now the last thing I'll write about this matter: 'Since I can't afford - I repeat, I can't afford, living on my own - taking care of myself, not able to pay for my surgeries, injections - I'll be living BACK with my mother. Back to being USED to.'

Hope, who-ever is contacting my -clients- -friends- is happy with what is going on. I hope 'this' is what you wanted.
Enjoy. Good job.

And this is the last time I write about my health conditions... 

Thanks for reading

- K




© 2013 - 2024 Sahtori-Kamaya
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SandstormL's avatar
If it helps any, I've watched your journals in the background and, I know I can't do anything to help you, I'm super poor myself, but I can tell you I never thought you were a fraud for a second, and I really hope some day a miracle comes knocking on your door because your journals break my heart, no one should have to live in pain like that. 

I wish I could help you, and have for a very long time. 

From what I've heard on your DA, you seem like a very lovely person, and I'm so sorry for those assholes that keep messaging you and don't believe you. I wish there was some way for you to get money to stabilize yourself without some raging asshole to complain about it and cause a stink. It's not fair and it's not right. 

Stay strong, I hope you'll find the right kind of help someday to get out of there, your mother and all the people that hurt you in your life don't deserve you and never will. You have kindness they will never understand.