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Wed Jun 22, 2016, 12:00 PM
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★ June 2 | Belgian | Female| Straight| Human ★

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Star + Dangles Bullet (DarkPurple) - F2U! 
.:EMAIL.:
sahtori[at]gmail.com


 
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"See You in your Dreams."
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.| Places 2 be |.


WDMY Stamp by RavenBlakh  .:Just a Dreamer by ginkgografix
Homura Animated Stamp by Colhan3000 

Please, don't worry so much. Because in the end, none of us have very long on this Earth. Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me. Make your life spectacular. I know I did ...

- Robin Williams

KAY
Pink Heart Icon


Hmm, is this Goodbye?

Thu May 19, 2016, 12:53 PM


I'm sorry guys but I have to admit, I'm starting to outgrow this place. 
I keep forgetting to upload art because I only get favorites and just a few comments how "awesome" it is. 

I'm busy with 3D animation and a project but I fear I can't show much of it here for there wouldn't be any interest in it. 

So I guess this is my way of saying: "I'm leaving deviantArt." - well not completely there will be an occasional upload here and there. 
I still view your art that I don't see on any other sites. It will be just ... sometimes. I'm also at an age now that I have different priorities in life than constantly upload art to get praise and I don't want to complain constantly how much my "life sucks". That phase has sailed away a long time ago. I learned a lot those years. I'm in total on deviantart for almost ... 15 years. It's been a good run, a lot of drama if I do may say so. Friends came, friends go, we took our roads to a different direction. 

I think by now, I'm one of them. 

Know that I appreciate all the thoughts, comments, fav's you have done in all those years. I'm proud to have witnessed artist grow and to have made long life time friends. I couldn't have done it without you all... Thank you. 

I'm still on furaffinity, ethereal worlds, patreon and on my FB. But to dA ... I'll post a lot lesser as you have seen by now. 

Pink Heart Icon Pink Heart Icon Pink Heart Icon 
All the best!
Kay.


Finally an Update - Merry Christmas

Fri Dec 25, 2015, 7:59 AM


I thought to finally update my journal; I'm doing fine. Just very busy on a project. 'Oasis' after almost ten year it is returning and if I may say it's looking amazing. I took the chance to also update my journal. 
I'm doing alright. Just had another tonsil infection; yeah why do you still got those? Because they are super tiny. 

I'm in 3D art school and it's time consuming as well. I have a final project coming and it will decide if I pass; yes or no. 

So as you can read, life is picking up. You'll be able to read comics once more again soon. TMNT will be continued. It's because I got sick that everything went ... 'bleah'

So I hope you're all doing well and for today I also add: 'Merry Christmas'.  


Pink Heart Icon
Kay




.| Places 2 be |.



WDMY Stamp by RavenBlakh  .:Just a Dreamer by ginkgografix
Homura Animated Stamp by Colhan3000 

Please, don't worry so much. Because in the end, none of us have very long on this Earth. Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me. Make your life spectacular. I know I did ...

- Robin Williams


Carry on ... *nods*

Journal Entry: Fri Sep 4, 2015, 3:07 PM


Work is on the way, olé! Thought to give you guys a different journal, olé *clap clap*

- Kay






.| Places 2 be |.

Websitewww.ethereal-worlds.com 
patreon



Patreon - VATMOSS?

Journal Entry: Sat Aug 8, 2015, 3:54 PM


Hey everyone, not really coming up with bad news or something. Just worries; for instance that Patreon has a (I only saw this recently) new form. 
So, I thought it was another form to prove you are a 'real' person behind Patreon. Well, no this time they ask me to fill out a form for the IRS - I looked more into it, it is called: "vat Moss"

now, I went searching online and I found the one creepy thing after the other. Meaning any "donations" you receive as a help to start your project becomes your "income"
I can't have an income at the moment, disability, for now... 

So, I'm very confused as I read this: 

"The law applies to “broadcasting, telecommunications, and e-services that are electronically supplied”. The e-services definition applies to a surprising number of things, including images or text, such as photos, screensavers, e-books and other digitised documents e.g. PDF files, music, films and games, including games of chance and gambling games, and of programmes on demand, online magazines, website supply or web hosting services, distance maintenance of programmes and equipment, supplies of software and software updates, advertising space on a website..." -> sourcelemmasoft.renai.us/forums/view… )

Of course, I started to panic. So, what is this? I'm not allowed to work on my projects anymore? Does this mean when finally the project is starting, I have to resign it? I can't stream anymore? 
I mailed Patreon and I still haven't gotten an answer. So in meantime, my Patreon has been temporary shut down. I know it might mean I have to completely 'shut' it down.

Though, I called my freelance bureau and they had no idea what even 'Patreon' is and this new Tax law. But filling this form will tell my state that I have a 'job' - this will cause a lot of troubles for someone who's in treatment. 

To be honest, I don't know what to do about this. I can't get commissions anymore? Comic's? Its all done? 

Can anyone help me with this? Giving me answers and solutions; I mailed Patreon a week ago and I still have no answer. I guess they don't mind losing an artist that has less than 1K donations. 


I just want to know what I am dealing with. 

Reasons why I got Patreon is because barely anyone is interested in commissions, unless when I write my busts down in the cheapest price. I understand it's hard for "everyone" - trust me, it's the same with me. I got Patreon so I could finally work on this comic. So I could have a bit more free time instead of whining how I never get any commissions. 

I'm just not lately feeling well when it comes to commission request; I get sometimes impossible requests that I have to say "no" to the commissioner. I'm lately not good in drawing +18 art; though I know they sell. But most people ask my character: "Sahtori" to be ... "under" it. This is making me hate my character, really, this is why "Carrie Phox" is gone. Because of the same requests. 

I start to see them as "porn" characters while I told myself that I wouldn't do this to my current character. She represents me; just like you all have your own character to show the world what you'd love to be, your weaknesses your strength. Having "Sahtori" acting like a little sl*t or wh*re is not part of my personality. Hence I refuse these drawings. I am deeply sorry. 

I want to show more and with Patreon I thought I was finally achieving this. I'm feeling pretty down about it and my hand is blocking again, for a moment I threw the towel into the ring until just a moment ago. I am asking now from all of you. "What is this, what can I do?"

Be safe

- Kay



.| Places 2 be |.

Websitewww.ethereal-worlds.com 
patreon



WHAT ARE THOSE

Journal Entry: Wed Jul 15, 2015, 4:22 PM






I went on a 'cleaning' spree - I hope you don't mind. I re-read a lot of my old journals and I had this: "What a way to talk to your friends and artist."
Yeah, I went through a lot; hasn't changed to this day. But I learned that it's for the best that some things are thrown in the darkest corner of your mind. One way or another, it will come back to haunt you if you keep these memories.

I realized over the course of years that most memories that I keep are the dark ones. Horrible habit. So, I started keeping an 'Agenda' with every day I would write what happened with me. The Good and the Bad. The Good I'd mark them with a purple color. So whenever I thought: "I hate my life!" I would look at the Agenda and read the good things I went through. 

I had adventures, I went sailing with my dad, dolphin sight seeing, fought for a great cause, making friends. 
I shouldn't use DeviantArt or any other Art-Site to tell you guys only the bad.

Of course, I can still be a total 'nasty' person from time to time. But I guess I gained that with life experience.
Having pride has nothing to do with it; at least not for me. But to know that not everyone can be your friend. 

Some people will grow to dislike you, some people choose you to treasure you.
Be content with what you get. 

Because even though, life can be painful and not fair. It's the path we have chosen to walk on.
I chose this path. I must have taken the wrong turn pretty often, but those were my wrong turns.

It's now up to me, to learn to walk towards my goal.


Enough with being sappy; what is this...

I want to say to everyone: 'SORRY' - for the late responds that you are getting in your inbox. 
I know the journals are gone. I know, you know what I went through... So, it was very hard to sit still and take the time to reply over 2000+ comments. That wasn't a very easy task. So many journals are removed with the including the comments. But know, I READ every comment.
Every comment means so much to me, you have no idea... 

I'll do my best to keep track with the comments that come now and I'll respond to all of you! 

Be safe

Kay





.| Places 2 be |.

Websitewww.ethereal-worlds.com Incl Forum
PATREON: www.patreon.com/sahtori



I'm so sorry guys that it suddenly looked like I dropped off from Earth, I had to organize a 'Dolphin Day' Protest in Antwerp and I had to see the police, sign papers, get supplies design badges, ... So from last week and 'till end this week I'm booked like there's no tomorrow. 

Did my protest had a success? ...

Well in total I had 8 people (myself included) going for 5 hours asking for signatures. Though it was really hard for me to keep 'standing' so I had to sit often, I'm glad they understood that I'm struggling with CFS and that it's not easy for me, ...
Now because we had 27+ pages full with signatures and people asking more info we are organizing a second 'Dolphin Day' at the 'GroenPlaats' - but this time I'm not gonna organize with the police and all, ... we hope to have more people to walk around for signatures.

Even though, I created a good deed, ... even though people told me I did good, I didn't felt the satisfaction that I did something right, I felt exhausted and drained ... but I guess it's ok, ... 

Want more info about our work? www.facebook.com/events/686797… even pictures, ... try to spot me if you can, ... if you live in our area and you are interested to join us, more info is coming, we'll have a monthly Dolphin Day 'till March. 

So a little more people and I can start working on commissions, well, sketch commissions, still no compu ... 
For those asking 'WHEN' the digital commissions will continue is when I have a computer, I'm repeating myself, but - I had normally a new laptop by September but I was thinking: "Why get a new laptop if you never take it with you?" So I cancelled the order of the ASUS and I'm looking around for a 'tower' or 'desktop' - with the same strength the laptop had, while a tower is cheaper. So yes, I'm thinking of the purchase I "might" make. I know I'm behind, sites, commissions and comics, but money doesn't grow on my back, there will be more AiN commissions soon enough, the moment I can sit straight, I will draw again, CFS is right now has me in it's grip and I can't fight it, I'm having 4 days on a row panic attacks and the worst one was last night, I don't know WHAT is triggering this 'feeling' and 'anxiety' - just give me time.

In meantime enjoy this virtual cookie I left you ...
I feel like I lost my favorite uncle, I grew up with Robin Williams just as many on dA and other sites did, when I saw the news I screamed in horror, grabbed my chest and just cried and cried, not realizing 'WHY' I was crying, ...

I was crying for a man, I've never met besides on screen, in many personalities and many ways possible, but we all 'knew' Robin Williams in a way, ... depression, the voices in his head - when I heard he went through all that, I felt that even the 'great' people have problems, ... bigger problems or smaller in this case bigger and I felt like: 'If Robin can do it, so can I, he's my inspiration!' 

Now, when the news hit me, it hit me hard, my 'uncle' my ... OUR funny uncle is dead, I don't know if someone can relate to the feeling I'm having, but ... I feel like my favorite uncle has passed away - ... so I cried for a few hours straight, still sobbing with the passing images, ... not understanding why he would go for suicide, but even the strongest person that keeps smiling all day can be cracked inside - I realized that I have that in common, I smile and smile and smile but when I'm alone, ... I crack and I'm so afraid like he was for those voices: 'You'll never be good at anything, you keep failing! You should kill yourself!' but then the other voices: 'No, don't listen, they are wrong, you are strong, you have a goal you just keep missing it but you'll get that goal.' it's scary when I read those things, ... How people cope with this, ... 

I have no right to be honest to ... say these things about myself, ... 

Robin Williams made the world laugh, ... he did what he was meant to do and he did it with great energy and strength that I admire from him. That same strength and energy lies within me, I used to be 'like' that, I was idolizing him so much that I tried to be so funny like him but then my demons came and they are still lingering with me. 

I'm so glad that he can now make our loved ones smile in Heaven, ... Heaven became a bit funnier because of him. 

I'm sorry, I'm a Robin Williams fan ... Always have and always will be, ... I always just hope to talk to him one day. Just one chance to say: 'Hi, I'm your fan from ... many fans, ... I'm so inspired by you, thank you for making me smile when I'm depressed and put one of your movies on ... Thank you ...' 

Just quit it - really.

Fri Oct 11, 2013, 6:35 AM


I don't know whom and I don't want to know 'who' 

I'm kind of tired of people STILL talking behind my back about my condition. I think I haven't mentioned much anymore about it in my previous journals - why, because of what happened months ago, yes, there was a donation drive - everyone got paid back.

Think about it, If I were a FRAUD, I would not have acted that way. I would have for example 'VANISHED' like others have done on dA, FA etc...
I'm on the net since 2001 on dA, my problems came many years after I was on dA and Sheezyart. I can look up on SheezyArt my old journals how much I complained about my mother and brother. That's it... No asking money... Nothing...

Then I vanished for a while on the net, not only because on the net was bad - but RL was going worse, I left my mother, I got abused by Katty and Steve where I was looking for comfort after YEARS of abusement, 
I had to RAN off to the USA - where I showed papers to both my father and step-mother about my condition.

My step-mum is a doctor. Ok, she asked a lot of questions, saw my medications that I have to take daily - weekly.
she knows, she looked up the medications I take.

Ever this fiasco started, my note-box here and on fA, exploded and frankly I've had enough of the questions if I'm a 'fraud' or 'real'

If people keep being like this behind my back - I must be a very interesting person, isn't it?

How my health NOW is doing, is no one's business unless you have FACEBOOK and you are on my SPECIAL list. Not only got I betrayed by my EX-BEST FRIEND with altering accounts so that person could not be identified but the thing is IP-TRACING proved WHERE that person was from and I knew that moment who this person was and it broke my heart...

I'd really would like to ask to 'stop' it.
I'm tired of those questions: 'Are you dead? It's been two years!? Something isn't right.'

Ah, so I see, I had help from friends and people kind enough to me to go through procedures, I was in LILLE - I had therapy.
For now the tumor, I'll repeat it again - seems stabilized. I'm going to write: 'SEEMS' I had treatment which has EXTENDED my life - TREATMENT - READ GOOD - TREATMENT
Going to the USA did me very good, I was in Fort Myers with my family, Dad, Step-Mum, Aunt, Uncle and a cousin.
All supported me and gave me a lot of love. 
When back in Belgium for scans, they noticed the tumor had shrunk a bit - and it stayed that way for months. Is this enough INFORMATION?

I'm not telling anymore in public, wtf is going on with me. I'm not asking DONATIONS, I'm not ASKING for PITY, I'm not asking for anything - Just if you want to be a bully on the internet, do it somewhere else, if you are a bully on the net, it means you must have a pathetic, sad life in RL and I feel sorry for people like that.

They must suffer in RL to VENT it out on someone else on the NET.
So, I feel sorry for those people. 

But I'd like to stay from after what I now typed, LEFT alone about this subject. If you feel like you have doubts, talk to me in person and don't go bashing behind my back to people who still believe and support me in their own way - with words.

I know the question: 'How do you afford it, then?' is coming up. 

Simple, find my other account, that's doing a lot of adult art. Try to find it... Really... I'm sure you wont.

I have CFS - Chronicle Fatigue Syndrome and it will get worse - I've been told by my doctor - there's nothing we can do about it - My house-doctor told me in 2004 I had symptoms of it and now in 2013 it's finally confirmed. 
You want to know, why I get sick? Because I'm learned by my grandmother not to show my emotions, my tears were fake, my laugh was fake and you know something...
I live with a MASK before my face. I'm kind to everyone even if I dislike you in any way, I'll still be kind because I want to treat people like how I Want to be treated. But I'm afraid not everyone thinks like me... I must be a complete dumbass.
Every time, someone harms me, I don't show emotions about it, I just get sick and sleep - sleep to get away from this world... 

This is how I deal with $h!t ever since I was a kid, ... 
I'm sure a few are going: 'Oh she's trying to get pity out of us.'
Yeah, go ahead, think like that about me. I don't give a fudge anymore... 

I'm in a phase that I'm to tired - in grieving - troubles - I feel like giving up...

now the last thing I'll write about this matter: 'Since I can't afford - I repeat, I can't afford, living on my own - taking care of myself, not able to pay for my surgeries, injections - I'll be living BACK with my mother. Back to being USED to.'

Hope, who-ever is contacting my -clients- -friends- is happy with what is going on. I hope 'this' is what you wanted.
Enjoy. Good job.

And this is the last time I write about my health conditions... 

Thanks for reading

- K