I'm in a bit of a slope right now - or drag - whatever you may call it.
I don't have for at least one week not one single doctor - so I feel I can calm down a bit - but I noticed it's depressing ...
I have to call off my surgery - I can not afford it - no matter what - I'm working on Margiet's website and I'm only 'one' person.
So to do new commissions - even though I have two new spots open - thanks to finishing two of ten - which is 'yay' for me, I guess. I first want to finish these - and sell 'Carrie Phox'
Is it normal? This - living like this? ... Seeing how many of this age have a family of their own. I do not long for a child - I can not because of the medication - but it would have been nice to have someone around. I'm not even ready for a husband - what a drag I must be for that guy. Glad I'm single then, but still it's lonely ...
I miss my ferrets - they will be home in less then four weeks. So yeah, I look forward to see Akemi, Kyoko and Oka'Lani.
I've been thinking so badly to be honest and I'm not happy with my art-works. Svana send me artwork from 2004 - 2005 - I remember how 'proud' I was - some artworks were done with a 'mouse' not with a tablet ...
Now, I'm not proud - I'm not proud of who I am. Doctors are busy to 'MAKE' me move back in with Myriam.
So yeah, I feel ... like I have no control over anything - people decide for me.
Where is that 'Karine' from the past - the one who fought? ... The one who said: 'Screw it!' ... I feel I've become that 'shadow'
Happy people I suppose, ... I guess the rejection in the US kind of hit me badly eh, ... 'Sorry we do not have programs for Belgians ...'
the doctor later: 'You can not WORK!'
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, yeah yeah ... I know
My step-mum said: 'Well, this gives us new opportunities!' Well what? I tried everything and I mean everything ...
Yes a convention - there was a guy in a Comic Shop saying, 'If I like this, I'm so sure that this would sell.'
Yeah, how? ... please don't give me any false hope.
I'm tired even though I'm up for almost 2 hours - but I think it's better to sleep again ...
- Kay"Moonbeams and starlight, magical twilight
The warmest ray,
hear it whispering your names
Rainbows at midnight, sparkling night skies
Don't go away, stay another day."